Page 25 - BOL May20 Edition

Dear Alice
Dear Alice

unreasonable?
unreasonable?

Am I being
Am I being

Dear Alice,
My partner and I have been together for about one year. We live close by and we sleep over at each other’s houses
a couple of nights a week. When the pandemic first hit, I said that I wanted to self-isolate together. My partner was
not keen on the idea at all. He said that he did not want to move in with me and that he needs his own space and
access to his possessions. I was really hurt by this. I am the type of person that is loyal and family orientated whilst
he is more independent and introverted. I felt outcasted by him and began to question whether this is the type of
person that I really want to be with. Am I being unreasonable?
Maddison
Hi Maddison!
Love in the time of COVID-19 brings with it a whole new set of issues. I wonder, what lens are you looking through? Are you
doomsday-prepping for the end of the world or are you cautious yet calm? If you look at Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, one of our
fundamental building blocks is safety. When we perceive our safety is in jeopardy we go into the fight or flight response. Feeling
unsafe for a prolonged period of time can cause vast affects on your physiological functionality. When we are afraid our brains
spend more energy activating our midbrain and hindbrain; these are the parts of our brain that tells us to fight, run or hide. In
order to be reasonable, we need to utilise our forebrain; this is the part that gives us reason and logic. Before you worry too much
about your relationship issue, we need to get you moving out of the sympathetic nervous system (fight or flight) and into the
parasympathetic nervous system (rest and digest). Focus on what you can control and build Queensland Health’s directives into
your daily routine. Then, shift your focus towards finding ways to self-soothe and ground yourself. Give yourself time to adjust to
this new normal. Catastrophising is not going to benefit your mental health, or your relationships. If you wouldn’t plan to move
in together under normal circumstances, it is probably not a great idea to move in together due to a pandemic. Living together is
a huge step and it may cause unnecessary tension and stress at this time. Try to remain a source of joy and love for one another,
planting the seeds to grow closer over time. Remember that everyone needs to feel safe and it sounds like your partner needs his
own space in order for that to happen. Everyone is navigating their own journey through this and we need to uplift one another
and hold hope that this too shall pass. Why not book a telehealth appointment with your GP and get a referral to see a counsellor
or psychologist via Zoom; we all need help sometimes to keep us on the right course.

If you’ve got a question for Alice that you’d like
published, email it to -moretonbay@bestoflocal.com.au

Local News Dining Guide Advice Column Recipes Horoscopes Puzzles Trades & Services
May 2020 www.bestoflocal.com.au 25