Page 20 - Best Of Local Mag August 2023 Edition

CONVERSATIONS WITH
Leoni
Leoniee

HI Leonie,

I am 27 and live with my father. I have been told in the past by counsellors at school and at work that I have emotional deregulation but
was given no real help at all. I am definitely an emotional person, but I can’t really figure out why or what sets me off. Dad says just don’t
worry or let it go but I just keep being affected by other people. I have read heaps of books and done workshops but its such an unreal
explanation and really, I don’t get how these can help. Dad wants me to go on medication, but I fear that even if it does help, I will be on
it for life. There must be a better way. After an event for upset when I look back, I really don’t know why I got so upset in the first place. Its
ruining my life. I want a partner and a life but I’m a bit of an emotional cripple and a lot to manage. I can’t afford counselling, but I love
your column and radio show, and both have helped me a lot over the years so I am and interested in what you would say.

Name withheld/Redcliffe

I would need a lot more information, but It does sound like you have an anxiety disorder and you may have to rethink the idea of
not going on an anti-anxiety medication. If you had diabetes, would you not take insulin? If you have a disorder that needs medical
intervention, you would take the medication rather than go untreated, wouldn’t you? My point here is that we must look at all the
options if we have a disorder. I am not saying go on mediation, but I am saying that you should get a professional clinician to assess
you and work out a treatment plan that is best for you. I work with anxious clients all the time and sometimes medication is needed
to give a person a good quality of life and help them function in their lives and meet their full potential.
Over the years I have heard lots of theories about highly emotional personalities. Everything from a clinical anxiety disorder, a
very high IQ where the person picks up on cues and subtleties that most people aren’t aware enough to perceive, to having an
over sensitivity to stimuli including noise, crowds, sarcastic humour and so on, to a hormone imbalance. I personally believe that
much of this kind of emotion is caused by a person simply not paying attention to whatever the message of the emotion is trying
to convey. Sometimes this involves becoming aware of toxic people, workplaces and environments where our subconscious is
screaming at us to make a change through our emotions.
I use what I consider to be a very effective exercise/strategy with clients that asks them to first take time to understand the emotions.
i.e., Anger could mean that you have let yourself down or had your rights or boundaries trespassed by someone else and the
message may be to be more assertive with others, hold them accountable or to mindfully accept that something has angered you
and there is nothing you can do about it. Fear is usually a warning to alert you that something bad may happen and to get yourself
out of harm’s way or get prepared to deal with what comes. Frustration often arises when we feel that we are not being understood
or perhaps not achieving the level of results we believe we should in the time frame we have set for ourselves and the message
may be to rethink our commitments and time management, or to change or modify our goals. Guilt tends to come about if you
have judged your behaviours to be less than acceptable for your self-designated standards of conduct or morals. The message here
may be to simply not do it again and to do what you can to put things right. Sadness is usually a feeling of loss or of something or
someone that we covet. Here we could attempt to get the lost
valued thing back, try to replace it or accept the loss and be
grateful for what you still have. I would suggest that you take Email: leonieschilling@bigpond.com
some time to evaluate your feelings including the precedents Leonie is a qualified private
and the antecedents around any singular emotional event. practitioner at North Lakes
Don’t be worried about why you are feeling a certain emotion Counselling Services.
but rather just focus on the emotion itself and ask yourself
where in your body do you feel this emotion? Are there For appointments please phone
certain times, situations and people or places with which 3886 2715 or 0423 653 841
you associate this emotion? Ask yourself what the feeling is www.northlakescounsellingservices.com.au
about or what the message is in this emotion for you. If you
are not sure just take a guess because I believe that you will
almost always be intuitively right. Whatever you decide is the ABOUT LEONIE
message for you, let your unconscious mind know that you Leonie is a qualified counsellor, Trainer and Assessor, published
now understand and “get” the message. If there is any action Author, Columnist, Radio Commentator and Justice of the Peace.
to be done, make a commitment to yourself that you will take Established in 2007, North Lakes Counselling Services has a
this action ASAP. I believe that you will know that you have long history of helping couples and individuals manage their
correctly identified the emotion and the meaning behind that relationships and attain their personal goals.
emotion when your sense of ease returns, and the emotion
sinks into the background of your consciousness. CATCH LEONIE’S RADIO SHOW “ON THE
Leonie OF THE MONTH AT 11AM ON 99.7 BRIDGE FM
Hope this helps COUCH WITH LEONIE” EVERY THIRD TUESDAY