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Dear Alice
Dear Alice

Will I ever findThe One?
Will I ever findThe One?

Dear Alice
Hi I’m a 34-year-old female and I am single. I have only had one long term partner. He was my best friend
and we were together for 13 years. I have been back on the dating scene for a couple of years and have
had a few short term relationships but nothing substantial. I thought that by now I would be married with
children; moving into a new phase of life. My main concern is that after a few years on dating apps, going
on dates and being completely disappointed by the outcome; I just don’t know if this is going to work out
for me. Is it just me?! I’m beginning to lose hope for the future.
Yassika

Thank you for writing in! This seems to be an emerging issue in society. In fact there are studies that say women in their
30/40’s may be up to 50% un-partnered in the future. I think that there has been a lot of pressure on women to have it
all. The career, the family and white picket fence. It’s frankly unrealistic to have it all, all of the time. It’s almost like the
Women’s Revolution got us to a point where we want a better future for everyone, but the part that I see lacking here is
the Men’s Revolution. Working with men in community it’s clear that Australian men are going through it. The dismantling
of the traditional male female home structure has changed everything. Family values don’t have to be structured around
heterosexuality anymore. Today, if you want to have a child and you can afford to give it a beautiful life, you can do that
with IVF in a platonic friendship family with your best friend using IVF. After all, life is for living. You have to make decisions
that are best for you because things don’t always work out the way that you expected them to. Perhaps stop dating for
a while and focus on yourself. What do you really want? What are your passions and interests in life? Write them down.
Make a vision board. Do whatever you need to centre yourself and focus on what you want your life to look like. Set
realistic goals. Build a community of people around you that love and support you for who you truly are. Remember that
everyone else is going through the exact same trials and tribulations and yet for some strange reason there is this age
of isolation and loneliness. Well, Erikson says that this life stage for you is Generativity VS Stagnation. Plus, if you have an
avoidant attachment style coupled with fearful or dismissive tendencies perhaps you need to work on your trauma. You
can find psychologists in your area at psychologytoday.com. Get a MHCP from your GP. If relationships aren’t working out
for whatever reason then that is okay because you will always have yourself. We don’t need other people but we are social
animals and want to be involved in community. Choose your company wisely and enjoy yourself. Practice mindfulness
and live in the moment. There is too much stress in the world, we don’t need to be adding additional pressure onto
ourselves.

If you’ve got a question for Alice that you’d like
published, email it to -moretonbay@bestoflocal.com.au

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