Page 18 - Best Of Local Mag October 2023 Edition

CONVERSATIONS WITH
Leonie
Leonie

Hello Leonie,

I’ll get right to it. I have been married for thirteen years and the first 6 or so were great. My husband seemed to idolise me and I him. We did
most things together but his family never really liked me and would say unpleasant things so I started to avoid them. I told my husband
that I did not want to hear their negative comments which I feel were mostly related to me being a few years older than my husband and
having been married before him. My first husband was killed in a car crash in the nineties. It always bothered me that he never seemed
to stand up for me but there was so much about us that was right I didn’t dwell on things too much. I was able to pay off a house and be
quite comfortable from my first husband’s life insurance and I have shared this security with my current husband. Over the last few years
my husband has become quite mean and says some cutting things. He never used to do this. He has commented disparagingly about my
size and I am not over weight (size 14), my cooking, my driving and just generally picking on me. We don’t have sex anymore. He stopped
pursuing me and to be honest, I was relieved because it all became so boring and predictable and I just felt like it was a chore. He won’t talk
to me, go out or even say hello to my sisters and friends when they come over. I’m not happy but he says that he is so what went wrong and
why did he start to turn on me? The truth is that I’m lonely, sad and bored and want to start living. I am open to counselling but he is not.
He will just sit in front of the TV or rummage around in the shed and generally tune out of life - so he is ok but what about me?

Katie/Mango Hill

It sounds to me like you guys may have just fallen out of love. People can still love each other without being in love with each other.
Regardless of why your husband has changed, he can’t justify his constant criticism of you. Your happiness is every bit as important
as his and I would encourage you not to let his negative jibes erode your self esteem. If he won’t talk or go to counselling, perhaps
you could just walk away when he makes nasty comments saying something like “I don’t deserve this treatment” If you choose to
stay in this marriage you could start giving yourself permission to be happy and demand respect from everyone including your
husband. If you have your own car, perhaps you could go for a drive, see your friends in social settings and get on with the business
of making a full and happy life. It’s never too late to start investing in yourself. If you have a good income, buy yourself some new
clothes, get a makeover, book a holiday or a cruise. Let your friends know that you are lonely and looking for some interesting
activities and day trips and create times and things to look
forward to. Research has shown that spending money on
experiences rather than things creates greater happiness. Email: leonieschilling@bigpond.com
When we invest in experiences we have the memory of the Leonie is a qualified private
event, possibly meet some new and exciting people and we practitioner at North Lakes
have broadened our horizons. So what I am saying here is Counselling Services.
that you are not doing yourself any favours by letting your For appointments please phone
husband dictate what you can and can’t do. You are not under 3886 2715 or 0423 653 841
house arrest. So long as you are not irresponsible with joint www.northlakescounsellingservices.com.au
finances, you owe it you yourself to lead the best life that you
possibly can. Now, if you make these changes it may shake
your husband up and he may even accuse you of having a ABOUT LEONIE
midlife crises. Or, just looking at the new you may cause him Leonie is a qualified counsellor, Trainer and Assessor, published
to take notice of the new woman in the house that refuses to Author, Columnist, Radio Commentator and Justice of the Peace.
be a doormat and want to join you in your pursuit of a happier Established in 2007, North Lakes Counselling Services has a
long history of helping couples and individuals manage their
life. Either way, we are a long time dead so I would encourage relationships and attain their personal goals.
you to love yourself enough to make the most out of your life.
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