Page 20 - Best Of Local Mag June24 Edition

CONVERSATIONS WITH
Leonie
Leonie

Hello Leonie,

I have been engaged to my fiancé for six months and plan to marry in 2026. My parents are both social workers and would like me
to arrange pre marriage counselling. I have had a look on the internet and from what I can see, pre marriage counselling is done in
church. Neither of us are religious so we seem to be hitting some road blocks here. I don’t really know what pre marriage counselling
is all about. What is involved and what would I be looking at? I have never been to a therapist before, but I want things to workout as
marriages seem to be breaking apart all around us.
Chloe/Mango Hill

Hi Chloe,
Pre marriage counselling should be done by engaging a trained professional counsellor. I would advise anyone seeking to engage in
pre marriage counselling to seek out a professional to take them through this process. Pre marriage counselling will take you through
many aspects of you and your fiancés belief systems.
Attitudes to the handling of finances, work, travel, the raising of children and the evolvement of families of origin are just some of the
things that the therapist will explore with each of the couple.
Some topics covered would include the exploration of how you and your partner communicate and resolve conflict. Questions such
as do you talk about your feelings to one another? How accurately can you read your partners moods and he yours? What are your
views on having children and what type of child rearing do you advocate? Does your partner concur? How will you make decisions
about where to live and which job offers to take or decline. Do both of you envisage the same retirement plan and do you both agree
on things like future travel? How does each feel about lending or giving money to family, what do each of you consider infidelity to
be and so on.
So why is pre marriage counselling a good idea:
I often see couples coming for marriage counselling because they have now found that they don’t seem to have many things in
common anymore. In my practice I would say the biggest areas of conflict are that I see are;
Finances – Many couples find themselves in a position where one is trying like crazy to save money and the other is spending it hand
over fist. Sometimes one will think that it’s ok to spend money on credit because this is what they have always done when they are
single. Sometimes I see couples where one partner is so ‘tight’ with money that absolutely nothing gets spent on non essentials and
this can make the other partner feel like a subordinate or in extreme cases poverty stricken when there is actually plenty of money to
live comfortably.
Interference from the families of origin – this is very common and I often see a couples larger family attempt to get involved in the
running of the home and with the raising of the children.
Parenting styles – How to discipline, the use of social media and devices, how many chores, interactions with friends, education
expectations and so on.
Communication and conflict management – Here I see couples that swear at each other, often in front of the children, yell, throw things
and engage verbal and physical domestic violence. On the other end of the spectrum are couples who have let communication go
so badly that they are virtually ghosts living in the same house.
They never talk much and they don’t share their feelings with Email: leonieschilling@bigpond.com
each other and live like flat mates. Often this will lead to one
partner sharing feelings with someone outside the relationship Leonie is a qualified private
which can cause the other to feel emotionally betrayed. practitioner at North Lakes
Having friends of the opposite sex or same sex for gay couples: Counselling Services.
What do each of you consider to be micro cheating or For appointments please phone
inappropriate? 3886 2715 or 0423 653 841
These are just some of the pitfalls of marriage that I address in www.northlakescounsellingservices.com.au
pre marriage counselling and there are many more explored,
ideally over five sessions. You can expect a counselling session ABOUT LEONIE
to be non judgemental, open and comfortable. I would
certainly endorse your Aunts’ idea, because even if you and Leonie is a qualified counsellor, Trainer and Assessor, published
your partner are found to have very different thoughts on Author, Columnist, Radio Commentator and Justice of the Peace.
Established in 2007, North Lakes Counselling Services has a
the various aspects of marriage, you are much better placed long history of helping couples and individuals manage their
to marry successfully if you start looking at the differences, relationships and attain their personal goals.
compromises and deal breakers now, instead of several years
into the marriage when real life kicks in. CATCH LEONIE’S RADIO SHOW “ON THE
Leonie OF THE MONTH AT 11AM ON 99.7 BRIDGE FM
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